The Pursuit of Nothing

Personal Precepts: A Father's Journey to Authenticity

Personal Precepts: A Father's Journey to Authenticity

A framework for authentic living, born from the intersection of fatherhood and self-discovery

❝ The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, but the journey of authentic living begins with a single truth. ❞

The first time I looked into my daughters’ eyes, I knew this journey would be different. Most adventures in my life came with clear goals and definable endpoints - win the game, get the score on the test, complete the hike. But fatherhood? That path extends beyond my comprehension or imagination, even more now that we have two.

I have spent years watching my eldest, and now my youngest, discover themselves and the world: the first time they find their hands, the scrunch of their faces when they eat something sour, the ongoing frustration of realizing they have their own objectives and desires while lacking the refined control of their mind and body to execute.

By seeing through their eyes, my own inner-child is reawakening. I am relearning how to see life with a joy-filled wonder. And in that wonder, I have found my deepest mission as a father: to help my daughters grow into themselves, not into who I or their mother or society wants them to become. In theory, this is a simple task: provide unconditional love and support so they blossom into who they are. But my attempts at this have revealed an uncomfortable truth. How can I guide my daughters toward authentic selfhood when I have spent decades hiding from my own?

Behind my stoic exterior, carefully crafted through decades of emotional suppression, lurked a revelation: I knew myself far less than I thought. That impervious outer shell I had constructed for self-preservation and protection, had actually constrained me. Each time I pushed down an emotion, swallowed a fear, or buried a vulnerability, I was teaching myself that parts of me were unacceptable. How could I teach my daughters to be unapologetically themselves when I was avoiding embracing myself? This realization sparked an internal journey, a voyage of self-discovery. If I wanted my daughters to grow up in a household of unconditional love, I needed to start by extending that love to myself. But where to begin? How does someone who has spent a lifetime building walls start tearing them down?

The first breakthrough came on a quiet Sunday morning, sitting at my desk with a blank journal. I had read that the simple act of moving pen across page could unlock doors in our minds. What I did not expect was how many doors there were, or what lay behind them. Stream of consciousness journaling sounds deceptively simple: set a timer, start writing, and do not let your pen stop moving until the time is up. No editing, not thinking ahead, no worrying about spelling or grammar. Just write. Even if all you write is, “I don’t know what to write” over and over again. The magic is not necessarily in what you write, but in what emerges when stop trying to control the process and allow your inner-voice space to speak.

My first attempts were awkward, filled with grocery lists and random musings and complaints about surface-level things. But gradually deeper truths began to emerge. I found myself writing about forgotten childhood memories, acknowledging fears, and abandoned dreams. Surprisingly, I discovered the emergence of a familiar voice, one that spoke with passion, expressed emotion, and possessed a light playfulness. It was my own voice, peaking out from behind the stoic mask I had worn for so long. Ten minutes a day. That’s all it took for this self-excavation to begin. Sometimes I would write about my daughters - their joy, their innocence, their curiosity. Other times I would question the very foundations of my life. Why did I value suppressing my emotions and inner-desires over expressing and pursuing them? When had I decided that muting my emotions was the strength?

These questions led me down unexpected paths. If I was questioning my emotional framework, what other assumptions of life deserved examination? I found myself drawn to philosophy, not as an academic pursuit, but as a way to sit at the feet of those who have wrestled with these questions before me. In this process, I discovered the Ancient Greek concept of areté - the notion of excellence not as competition with others, but as the fullest expression of one’s nature.

This was the beginning of what would become an eighteen month journey to create something I never knew I needed: a personal rulebook for living.

Not a rigid set of restrictions, but a framework for authenticity.

A guide for being fully present, fully alive, fully myself.

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❝ Behind my stoic exterior lurked a revelation: I knew myself far less than I thought. ❞

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This is my guidebook, my personal precepts, my personal areté defined for living how I desire. These rules are meant to protect my heart from my overactive mind, to serve as my personal North Star shaped by who I am and who I aim to be.

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A Note on Navigation:

These rules are more than just guidelines—they're waypoints on a journey of growth. Each rule is presented through six lenses:

The Spark: A moment that illuminated the need for this rule The Heart: The core truth that drives it The Hands: How to put it into practice The Eyes: What to watch for as you implement it The Soul: The deeper meaning that emerges The Wise: Ancient wisdom that echoes this truth

As you read, allow each rule to resonate in its own way, knowing that different rules may speak to you differently at different times. Some may speak to you immediately; others might reveal their importance over time. These aren't commandments to be followed rigidly, but rather trails to be explored thoughtfully.

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These are the rules

Contents

Foundation Rules (1-2)

These rules ground me in what matters most- my relationships and the present moment. They remind me where to plant my feet before I begin any journey.

❝ The quality of my life will be measured in moments of genuine connection with my loved ones, not my achievements. ❞

1. PROTECT FAMILY TIME AT ALL COSTS | Memento Mori

The Spark: “Daddy, can I look at that with you?” My daughter asked while I was scrolling on my phone looking at random items on Amazon while she played blocks. When I looked into her eyes, I could sense a disconnectedness; there was a pit in my stomach. These moments of connection are the heartbeat of life and they will not wait for my attention before they move on.

The Heart: My family is my lifeblood. They teach me how to remain present, to live with joy, and to love unconditionally. Everything I do is in service to them because I choose them each day. This is not a sacrifice, it is a joy to invest in what matters most.

The Hands:

The Eyes: Watch for the subtle ways you lose the sands of time:

The Soul: The quality of my life will be measured in moments of genuine connection with my loved ones, not my achievements.

The Wise: "Life is long enough, and it has been given in sufficiently generous measure to allow the accomplishment of the very greatest things if the whole of it is well invested." - Seneca

❝ Only this moment is life. ❞

2. EAT YOUR TANGERINE | Be Present

The Spark: “How’d it taste?” Asked my wife, referring to the chili she made that I just ate. I realized I could not respond because I was preoccupied through every bite. My mind was everywhere except here, now, in this moment with this food, this breath, this family, this life.

The Heart: Life does not exist outside of this moment, the past and future are nothing more than memories and fantasies. Our minds often pull us away from the present—worrying about upcoming tasks, replaying past events. Lists serve as anchors, allowing us to release these mental burdens onto paper. When we know our thoughts are safely captured, we can fully inhabit the current moment. Only then can we truly taste our tangerine, hear our child's laughter, feel the warmth of the sun.

The Hands:

The Eyes: Notice when you are:

The Soul: However much you enjoy this moment, is the measure of your capacity to enjoy life itself. The present moment is not a mere stepping stone to the next, it is the entire path in and of itself.

The Wise: "Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the world revolves - slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future. Live the actual moment. Only this moment is life." - Thich Nhat Hanh

Creation Rules (3-4)

How I make and maintain things reflects how I make and maintain myself. These rules guide my relationship with the things I bring into the world.

❝ Everything you make has its own lifetime. Some will live quick and exciting lives like fireworks, while others may live long, slow lives like planted trees. ❞

3. WHAT YOU MAKE HAS ITS OWN LIFE | Contribute

The Spark: I spent years hiding my creations, waiting until they were "perfect" before sharing them. Then I watched my daughter proudly display her finger paintings, unconcerned with perfection, only focusing on sharing the joy she felt while making them.

The Heart: Everything you make has its own lifetime. Some will live quick and exciting lives like fireworks, while others may live long, slow lives like planted trees. Both have value. Both deserve to exist. Both deserve to be shared.

The Hands:

The Eyes: Watch for these creativity assassins:

The Soul: Make with humility from a place of love. Your creations are not you - they are gifts you give to the world, each with its own journey to make.

The Wise: “Engaging with my environment opened my eyes to the never-ending flow of ideas. But there's even another way to find inspiration, one that I have leaned on more and more as I've gotten older and more experienced: DIGGING RIGHT THROUGH THE BOTTOM OF THE RABBIT HOLE, by which I mean, going as deep as humanly possible on something you care greatly about, something you can't stop thinking about.” - Adam Savage

❝ Every creation carries within it the echo of its creator's heart. ❞

4. HONOR YOUR SPACE | Be content

The Spark: Last Tuesday, I found myself reorganizing my desk for the third time that week, arranging fountain pens and fancy pencils in perfect parallel lines. Now, the same desk lies buried under scattered papers and empty coffee cups. As I sat here trying to write, and instead began straightening a stack of notebooks, it hit me: my workspace is not just a physical space—it is a mirror reflecting my internal chaos. When my mind feels cluttered, my desk becomes a wasteland. When I feel out of control, I respond with rigid organization. These spaces are speaking to me, if only I would listen.

The Heart: My spaces - mental, emotional, spiritual, physical and relational - are sacred ground. They are not just places I exist in, they are extensions of my inner world. Treat them with reverence. Let them be ready to serve my work, my growth, my life.

The Hands:

The Eyes: Watch for these warning signs:

The Soul: My spaces are temples where my work, life, and relationships unfold. Their state reflects and affects my inner world. Honor them.

The Wise: "Approach these spaces like places of worship." — Van Neistat

Growth Rules (5-7)

True growth happens horizontally, not vertically. These rules help me expand rather than climb, connect rather than compete.

❝ Peace is what allows us to take joy in the success of others and to let them take joy in our own. ❞

5. KILL YOUR INNER COMPETITOR | Live Horizontally

The Spark: The day my nephew refused to draw because his picture “wasn’t good,” I saw myself in his frustration. How many times had I avoided personal enjoyment because I was afraid of not being the best? Competition can drive us toward excellence, but it will inevitably poison the well of creativity and growth.

The Heart: True excellence - areté - is not about being better than others or even your past self. It is about being fully present in your own becoming. Strive for your unique expression of excellence, not winning at someone else's game.

The Hands:

The Eyes: Notice these signs of the competitive mind:

The Soul: Every moment in competition with others is a moment lost in community.

The Wise: “Peace is when we realize that victory and defeat are almost identical spots on one long spectrum. Peace is what allows us to take joy in the success of others and to let them take joy in our own.” - Ryan Holiday

❝ We stand on the shoulders of giants. ❞

6. CITE YOUR SOURCES | Express Gratitude

The Spark: One afternoon, explaining to my daughter where I learned to make paper airplanes, I realized how much of what I know came from others. Each skill, each insight, each moment of growth - all were gifts passed down through generations of learners and teachers.

The Heart: All ideas are inspired by other ideas. Our creativity doesn't exist in isolation - it's part of a great web of human knowledge and expression. Express gratitude for this inheritance. Honor those who light our path.

The Hands:

The Eyes: Watch for these warning signs:

The Soul: The joy I experience has been brought to life through the gentle support and nurturing of those before and around me. I stand on the shoulders of giants.

The Wise: "If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." - Isaac Newton

❝ We are all gardens grown from seeds planted by those who came before us. ❞

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7. A.B.T. | Always Be Teaching

The Spark: I am a teacher by profession, which makes it easy to forget to teach when I am at home. When my daughters have emotional outbursts, I must be ready to teach not scold. Teaching isn't just about transferring knowledge - it's about processing, understanding, and transforming what we know.

The Heart: Teaching is holding information with an open hand, letting go for others to take freely. Don't grasp tightly to my own knowledge - let it flow through me to others, transforming both teacher and student in the process.

The Hands:

The Eyes: Watch for these teaching pitfalls:

The Soul: True teaching is an act of love - it's letting go of ownership and control, trusting that knowledge will grow and change as it passes from person to person.

The Wise: "Always be prepared to teach, in season or out." - 2 Timothy 4:2

❝ True teaching flows like water - taking the shape of each vessel while remaining pure in essence. ❞

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Sustainability Rules (8-10)

The journey is long, and these rules help me maintain my path with wisdom and grace. They remind me how to keep going when the path grows difficult.

❝ A little bit of something is a whole lot better than a whole lot of nothing. ❞ - Dale J. Peyton

8. CHOOSE THE HEALTHY OPTION | Consistency

The Spark: "Daddy, why can't you chase me?" My daughter's question cut deeper than the sharp pain in my calf. This was the second time I'd injured myself trying to sprint back into fitness after months of inactivity. I watched her running ahead, realizing my cycle of intense workouts followed by long periods of inertia wasn't just affecting me anymore. Each time I chose the couch over consistency, I wasn't just choosing against my health—I was choosing against future moments of play, of connection, of joy with my family.

The Heart: Health isn't just about food or exercise - it's about making choices that serve my highest good and the good of those I love. It's about being willing to show up fully for life. When we choose health, we choose life's fullest expression.

The Hands:

The Eyes: Watch for these compromises:

The Soul: My body is the vessel for all I hope to give and receive in this life. Honor it with choices that help me serve longer and love better.

The Wise: "The part can never be well unless the whole is well." - Plato

9. DALE'S RULE | Persistence

The Spark: On days when the mountain seems too high to climb, I remember Grandpa’s tune: "A little bit of something is a whole lot better than a whole lot of nothing." These words give me the courage to take one more step.

The Heart: Progress isn't about grand gestures or perfect execution. It's about small steps, taken consistently, with faith that they add up to something meaningful.

The Hands:

The Eyes: Watch for these obstacles:

The Soul: Every journey consists of small steps. Honor each one. Let go of the need for dramatic progress.

The Wise: "If you feel that your dreams aren't coming true, you might think that you need to do more, or to think and strategize more. In fact, what you might need is less—less noise coming to you from both inside and outside—so that you have the space for your heart's truest intention to germinate and flourish." - Thich Nhat Hanh

❝ The smallest step forward still moves us away from where we started. ❞

10. FOLLOW THE RULES | Trust your Heart

The Spark: After months of writing and rewriting these rules, I caught myself starting to treat them as rigid commandments rather than gentle guides. The rules aren't chains - they're trails through the wilderness of life.

The Heart: These rules are not external impositions but internal wisdom made visible. They are reminders of what my heart has already spoken, guideposts for when the path grows dim.

The Hands:

The Eyes: Watch for these misuses:

The Soul: The rules are not my master - they are tools for liberation, helping me stay true to my deepest self.

The Wise: "The finger pointing at the moon is not the moon." - Zen Proverb

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As I write this, I can hear my daughters playing in the next room. Their laughter reminds me why these rules matter. They're not about perfection, they're about presence. They're not about achievement, they're about authenticity. Each rule is a trail I'm blazing not just for myself, but for two little girls who are watching, learning, and growing alongside me.

❝ The rules are not my master - they are tools for liberation, helping me stay true to my deepest self. ❞

These rules have become my compass, not my cage. They remind me to stay present when my mind wants to wander, to stay humble when my ego wants to soar, to stay consistent when my discipline wants to waver. They help me remember that the greatest adventure isn't reaching some distant summit, but being fully present for each step of the climb.

I still do not know how to answer all of the questions I use to examine my life, or the ones my daughters decide to ask, but these foundations are a start. I am learning how to live with joy thanks to my wife, daughters, our community of family and friends. These rules serve as my guide, my personal areté.

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Questions for Your Journey

These questions aren't just for reflection—they're invitations to begin your own journey of authentic living. Take time with them, perhaps journaling your responses or discussing them with others on similar paths.

Author's Note: These rules are living documents, evolving as I grow. They're shared not as prescriptions, but as inspiration for your own journey of self-discovery.

  1. Which rule resonates most strongly with you right now? Why?
  2. What moments in your life have taught you similar lessons?
  3. If you were to add an eleventh rule, what would it be?
  4. Which rule challenges you the most? What might that reveal?
  5. How might these rules look different in your life six months from now?

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